So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
