you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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