OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
