Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
