what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
