I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
