I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
