DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
