Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
