Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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