Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
