Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
