That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
