Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
