I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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