Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
