Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
