He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
