we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
