went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
