No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
