i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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