I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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