man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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