Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
