Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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