I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
