Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
