Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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