I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
