I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
