I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
