so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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