absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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