dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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