From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
