My liver just broke up with me...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
