I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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