how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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