I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
