So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
