At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
