Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
