WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
