I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
