im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
