What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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