I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
