People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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