you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
