we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
