I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
