Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
