Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
