went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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