i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
