it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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