Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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