She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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