i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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