i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
