i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
