We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
