Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
