Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
