I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
