so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
