I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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