i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have feelings that need drinking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
