I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
