You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
