I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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