i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize