let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
