Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
