end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
