SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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