Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
