So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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