i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
