Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
