I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
